


Platypi Weren't A Mistake

by Priestlyislove



Category: Supernatural
Genre: And for the record he really does give the best blowjobs, Drunken fluff, Fluff, M/M, these losers are too easily offended
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-22
Updated: 2015-11-22
Packaged: 2018-05-02 22:16:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5265692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Priestlyislove/pseuds/Priestlyislove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, you love someone. Sometimes, you love someone's dick. Sometimes, you love someone who is a dick. </p>
<p>Sometimes it's all three.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Platypi Weren't A Mistake

“You know what I was thinking about?” Gabe said. Balthazar laid resting his head on Gabriel’s bare chest. They both felt tipsy and weren't about to let it go to waste, considering how long it took them to get drunk.

He rolled his eyes. “When you cracked up while I was giving the best blowjob ever? No, please enlighten me.”

“Okay, first, I'd hardly call it the best,” he joked. “Second, remember when the humans burnt down that big library? Imagine how much farther along they'd be if they didn't do that. Like, why doom your own future generations too? That was really stupid.”

“Are you serious? That's why you were laughing?”

Gabe just shrugged unrepentantly. “I've laughed harder over less.”

Balthazar did his best to understand where he was coming from. “I guess that was pretty stupid, but when are the humans doing anything smart?”

“What? You think we're any better than them? Have you seen heaven recently?”

He chuckled. “I suppose you're right. Lucifer was really stupid, wasn't he? So was Michael.”

“And don't get me started on Raphael. Or Dad, even.” Gabriel grinned. “Everyone’s pretty stupid, huh?”

He hiccuped. “Yeah, you know what else is stupid? Corpse flowers. Like what the fuck. Those have got to be Luci’s fault.”

He laughed. “Amen, brother!”

He took this positive response as an invitation to continue. “And platypuses! What the bloody hell even are those things?” He snickered. “I can't believe dad just lets those things exist!”

Gabriel found himself deeply insulted. He loved his platypi. “Well...your wings are stupid!” He sort of regretted the words as soon as they came out. He knew Balthazar could deal with teasing , but a few topics he wasn't a fan of. This was one of them.

Balthazar blinked. He sat up. “I thought you liked my wings!”

Gabriel pouted, looking away. “They're weird.”

Balthazar suddenly felt very self conscious. And when he got self conscious, he also got very rude. “They're not as weird as your vessel’s face. You go fishing with that nose?”

Gabriel sat up as well. “At least I'm not all wrinkly!”

“You're so annoying! All of the time! And you're messy! You leave snacks all over the place!”

"I'm not messy, you're just a neat freak!”

Balthazar groaned. “And you can never admit it when you're bloody wrong! That's it, I'm out! I need air!” He got up, fumbling into a pair of pants. He realized they weren't his pants but he couldn't turn back now. He wrestled into a shirt and stumbled out of the room and out of the house.

“No, I've ruined everything…” Gabriel started to cry dramatically. “Come baaack…” He left the room as dramatically as he could. He nearly fell down the stairs as he made his way into the kitchen, grabbing another bottle of wine and chugging it down. He grabbed his phone off the counter and dialed Michael. “...Yes?” His brother’s voice came through.

“Miiiiike,” he sobbed into the phone.

He heard a deep sigh. “What is it _this_ time, Gabriel?”

“I've ruined everything!” He managed to get out in between swallows of wine.

“I should change my number,” he said to himself. “Okay, tell me what happened.”

“I told Balty I didn't like his wings and now he's dead!”

“What.”

“Okay, h-he's not dead. But he hates meeee!”

Michael pinched the bridge of his nose. He shouldn't change his number. He should just get rid of his phone altogether. “Just go talk to him. Please. I don't have time for this.”

“You're right! I'll go find him. Thanks Mikey. I knew I could count on you,” he stopped to cry grossly. “You're so good to me.”

“Okay. Please don't call again.”

Meanwhile, Balthazar found himself in a bar and was drinking like the world was ending. Knowing this century, it probably was. Once he was drunk enough, he summoned Castiel. With a _fwoosh_ , Cas appeared before him. “Balthazar. Is everything okay.”

“Nothing is okay,” he grumbled. “Do you...who made platypuses?”

“Um, I believe it was Gabriel?” Cas furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “...Why? Are you not in immediate danger? Because the Winchesters-”

“Oh gOD” Balthazar flew to his feet. Then he had to sit back down because he got up too fast. But he stood up once more. “I fucked up-I, I didn't know...I gotta go apologize.”

Cas was still very, very confused. “Balthazar, what's-”

Balthazar pulled Cas into a sloppy kiss. “Thanks, pal. You...I don't know. Bye.” He patted him on the shoulder and stumbled back out into the street.

“Hey, are you paying for your boyfriend?” The bartender called out. Cas sighed and got out his money.

Balthazar tried to find their apartment, but he got lost. It wasn't that the apartment was very far, it was just he was very drunk. “I've lost him forever...I'm too late…” Just as he was beginning to despair, he heard Gabe calling his name.

“Balthazar!”

He looked up to see Gabe running to him, only wearing underwear. “Gabriel!” They ran to each other, embracing when they met. They lost their balance and fell over into the grass. “I'm so sorry, Gabe. I didn't know you made the plate-bus, I-i actually kind of like them,” he apologized.

“And I really like your wings! I was just mad, I wasn't thinking...can you forgive me?”

“Only if you forgive me, dickwad,” he kissed him. “Oh, I kissed...Cas? Yeah…”

“I wanna do that!” Gabe whined. “But right now, I just wanna kiss you…” And they kissed until they passed out. When they woke up in the police station the next day, Gabe teleported them out of there.

So all in all, it was a pretty regular night.


End file.
